I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
