Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if only i could text you this smell
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
