Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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