$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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