whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
