it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
