Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize