My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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