my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
