Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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