My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
