i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
