I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize