i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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