i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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