the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
