I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
