Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
