Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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