I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
