My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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