Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
