Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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