My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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