Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
