he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
