did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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