Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
