He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize