Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
