I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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