he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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