Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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