it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
