i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize