um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
