and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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