I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
