dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
