I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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