Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
