We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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