walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
