when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
