idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize