There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
