dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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