Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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