I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
