Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
