her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
