That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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