there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
