The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
