I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
