I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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