All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize