I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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