if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
