I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
