Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
do nipples grow back?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
