Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
