Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
