discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish you could order shots online.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
