I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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