I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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